I'm back.

Missed WW on June 24 because I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning, and Hubby forgot to wake me up until it was too late. Then July 1 was a holiday. I wasn't exactly in the weight loss zone anyway.

After having the rug yanked out from under me last month, I'm ashamed to say that I've reached a sort-of-new "high" of 242.2 lbs. Now, that's much better than where I was this time last year, but still. The situation that upset me so much hasn't gotten any better, but since it doesn't seem to be changing, I've gradually gotten to the point that I can live with it. Mostly. Besides, beating myself up with food isn't going to make it any better, and now that my brain is actually in gear, it can tell the stomach that.

Had lunch at the Chinese buffet yesterday and when I got home I felt really and truly awful, as if I'd become polluted with toxins. It was the first time I'd really noticed what no longer having a gallbladder could mean if I really overdid it, and it was really, really bad. Yes, folks - bad enough to scare me straight. Took me long enough, eh? I also realized that this is exactly the way it started all of those other times that I gained and lost the same thirty-two pounds over and over again. So I stomped my foot down and declared, "Not this time!"

So today I went back on program. Was planning on it anyway, as last week went on, and was just waiting til the weekly grocery order to get stocked up on the "good stuff".

I spent a good hour this afternoon going through my "cardboard pile" and plugging all of the nutritional info on those old packages into Weight By Date Pro. After losing most of my nutritional data in the hard drive format in late May, combined with the emotional upheaval in June, I realized that part of the reason I went so badly off-program was I just didn't have the headspace to put it all in again. I just didn't have it in me to bother journalling -- not when I wanted to make myself numb with food. So I didn't. I just ate and ate and ate and then when I couldn't physically hold any more, I slept so I wouldn't have to deal with the physical discomfort of it all.

I'm coming out the other side of that dark space now, thank heavens, so I thought I'd better put in as much info as I could get my hands on, in case of a relapse. The less thinking I have to do at times like that, the better. Besides, a little high-powered focus is reassuring right now.

I am setting a mini-goal. By the time I go back to work in early September, I want to be working on "virgin fat". I want to be past the 70-lbs. off mark (so 224.4, for those who are counting that way). That's 17.8 pounds from what I weighed this morning. I think it's do-able. Let's see, shall we?

The Summer Mini-Goal:

The Big Picture: