I see the surgeon on Tuesday and then eventually I'll have surgery.
I have been having difficulty nailing down just what emotion I'm feeling over all of this gallstone business, but I think I've finally hit it. I feel betrayed. I spent all of this time and energy learning how to be better to my body, and have worked so hard at shrinking it down to a healthier weight. I've given up my drive-thru habits and this is the thanks I get. No wonder I haven't really felt like sticking to program. Part of me is wondering, "Why bother?"
Then there's that whole "gee, I'm not invincible" thing. It's really, really bothering me that at some point in the not-so-distant future, a part of my body is going to be removed. I will literally be in pieces. It's not like getting a haircut, or trimming my nails. This is really disturbing me on some level I can't even touch. The last surgery I had, when I was nineteen, was to remove a growth -- something foreign that needed to go. This is different. This is a part of me that needs to go. Part of me is bad.
I'm not freaking out. But I think if I thought about it for too long, I probably would be.
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Hi Karen,
I felt really awful when I read your last two posts. But know that this happens to a variety of people... healthy and unhealthy, thin and obese. You just have to think of the other parts of your body that ARE benefitting from this weight loss journey you are on. Go on list them! Heart, lungs, liver, pancreas, joints, brain, etc.... You are doing something incredibly amazing and you should feel good about what you are doing. Don't let your gallbladder ruin this for you. I say, if he isn't along for the ride, get rid of him!
I am proud of you and your hard work. I see a difference not only in your physical appearance, but also in your overall mood and way of thinking. If you need anything, you know where to find me!
Dr. Munchkin
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