I'm on my way ...

So, last night Hubby and I had a very serious talk. I told him that I had finally, after years of it not seeming to matter, reached the point of being seriously concerned about my health. I told him that my feet now hurt a lot when I walk too much, and that, after years of being okay physically, I was now actually feeling like the numbers on the scale. I guess the 20 pounds I'd gained since February pushed me past the limit of what my body was willing to put up with.

He's not usually very verbose, but he said a few things that made it clear that he had noticed, but didn't want to hurt or upset me. In some ways, I think he was relieved to say what he'd been thinking.

I explained that the biggest, hardest part about trying to lose this much weight is that it's an endurance test more than anything else. You join WW and someone joins the same night as you. You have 150 pounds to lose, and she has 10. After a month, she's gone, happily making it to Lifetime and only having to show up once a month for weigh-in. Please don't misunderstand me. I know that losing those 10 pounds is as difficult for them, probably even more so, as it is for me. The less you have to lose, the harder it is to get it off. But as the months go on, you see so many of those 10-pounders come and go, and your weight left to lose is still in the triple digits.

Hubby said, "You do so well for a while, and then you just ... stop." And I explained to him that that's why -- I get tired of being the one in the front row who is always there. It's almost like you become a piece of furniture. "Oh, look, poor thing is still here. I wonder how she's doing." Although the way I eat has to be a change for the rest of my life, it's having to endure the endless stream of 10-pounders while not getting anywhere near to my own goal that gets so hard on the head. Eventually, I just can't take it anymore and I quit and gain it all back. No one else has ever understood that part. Not even the group leaders, because they were, in many cases, 10-pounders.

So he asked what my plan was, and I told him that I had met a new friend, J. Outside of weight issues, J and I have a great deal in common, and would probably become good friends anyway. But here is this thing -- I finally have someone who really understands. She and I have been fighting all the same battles, including watching the 10-pounders come and go. We have approximately the same amount of weight to lose. We weigh about the same.

On the phone last night, she and I talked and talked and talked, about all the things that only women our size really know about. It was torrential. I even told her something that I was initially afraid would offend her -- that part of my enjoyment of karaoke the other night with her and her friends was that, because she was there, I wasn't The Token Fat Girl. She emphatically said she was not offended and understood completely. And I can't tell you what a gift that was.

J is doing Weight Watchers right now and is doing quite well, and I'm going to go with her. I can't go this Saturday as I have an out-of-town commitment, so I will join next week. In the meantime, I am weighing in every morning, tracking what I eat/do in my Weight-by-Date software, and I started drinking water this morning.

Incidentally, my prized possession is a Ben and Jerry's water bottle I got during a visit to Washington DC in April. I bought it because it cracked me up -- water being the antithesis of my "body by Ben and Jerry's". But now I'm saluting those cows as I suck back the water. For some weird reason, the label seems to make it go down a lot easier. Hey, if it says Ben and Jerry's on it, it's gotta be good, right?

The Fates have decided to reward me for my new beginning. When I hopped on the scale this morning, I had lost 1.4 pounds.

I'm on my way.