Decision.

I've decided to quit WW ... for the time being. I've decided to quit trying to make myself want to "stick with it".

What I'm going through right now, where this journey is concerned, is not unlike how I felt when we were trying -- desperately -- to have children. I just got to the point where I had to let it go because it was making me crazy. The sense of failure and feeling "broken" was just too much to handle.

I can't make myself want to lose weight. I've been trying to do just that for months. And I'm giving myself headaches over it. A civil war in one's own head is not the best entertainment. I don't want to play anymore.

Maybe when the weather warms up, I'll feel differently.

Maybe when I have time to focus just on the weight loss, I can get myself back on a roll. That's what happened last time; I started August 1st and had everything well in hand by the time "real life" began again in September.

I'm okay. I'm just being realistic. With me trying to go back to school, money is tight, and I just can't justify spending the money on WW when it's oh-so-obvious I just don't want to do it.

Maybe in July, I'll start over totally fresh. New membership number and new starting point. Maybe simply getting "my first five-pound star" all over again will be enough to keep me focused.

But for now ... For now, I'll just sleep in on Saturdays.